I’m terrified to begin my life. I know its technically already started but when you become an adult its truly the beginning. What kind of person do I want to become? Where should I live? What should I do and for that matter avoid? I am like a blank canvas. How should I paint it?
The idea of looking back and wishing I had done things differently is terrifying. I have let others guide me, in hopes that since they have done this before, they will help me not make mistakes. But now I look back at the past year of my life and wonder what, if anything, have I accomplished? If anything I am worse off now then last summer. I have scared myself into a reclusive, pathetic life.
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7 comments:
it's rather sad to see someone so engulfed in their own trap even before they begin. having reached a middle age and made mistakes like anyone else, it's unfortunate to hear a youth bemoan life even before they have stepped out the door.
To Greg: How eloquent. I totally agree with you.
To the young poster who wrote this entry: Being afraid is a waste of time. You will make MANY mistakes is your lifetime. They are called "learning experiences". Not doing anything is the biggest mistake of all. When it comes right down to it, not doing anything, is the ONLY thing to regret.
You've said exactly what I am feeling.
I feel that way about making mistakes with my children. I don't have good role models, so I am always asking for advice, hoping that someone else will help me to not make mistakes with my kids. I think it IS terrifying.
My husband and I have had very exciting and wild lives. Joined the military, traveled the world, have jobs and children. And still don't know what we are going to do with the rest of our lives. Our ideas are constantly changing. I just plan to live a really long time, and keep trying things out. It makes everything pretty exciting.
What you state is exactly what I felt at the beginning of my adulthood. That was 25 years ago, and sometimes it still seems I haven't figured out much of anything.
I believe some of us are never able to attain the kind of certainty about ourselves and our lives that others seem to have. I have always envied those who know what they want. But we must learn to live with our nature, even when we don't like the way we are. I have found that the pain and uncertainty are relieved when I help others through my job or through volunteer work. Creative activities (I'm a painter) help to put your mind in a better place. Bicycling always lifts my spirits and clears my mind.
This fear will never leave you completely, in my experience, and confidence will often be hard to come by. The activities I've mentioned have helped me take my mind off the fear and have many good days in spite of myself. I wish the same for you.
my guess is that some of the world's most beautiful art started with the creator feeling the same way...so maybe you splash a little color on that canvas here and there and what emerges is the beauty and uniqueness of your life-your soul
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