The easiest thing to do is talk openly and directly about what has happened in my life, so here goes: When I was a little girl I was molested by my older sister. I believe something similar had happened to her that caused her to act it out on me, her little sister. We were both young and naive and innocent, I don't think either of us knew what it was or what it meant, we were just acting on some weird instinct we didn't understand.

When I was in 3rd grade I saw a Maury-ish TV show talking about child molestation. I had never heard that term before and didn't know what it meant but felt like it was an answer to what I knew was wrong but didn't know how to end. Later on I told my mom what was going on and I don't really remember much else about what resulted. I remember my sister was mad at me and I guess that began her aggression toward me. I remember the same house that I finally told my mom was the same house that my mom and sister fought in, literally with fists and all. I would try to mediate between them but it never worked of course. I still mediate between them, my sister despises my mom and my mom is fairly oblivious.

I could go into detail about the chaos in the years that resulted from all of this but I am moving past these things and can't allow them to be a crutch!! I guess you just have to have your past and any abuses recognized and heard in order to move past them. It took me years and years to have the courage- because it takes a lot of COURAGE, to tell anyone about this. I started with a therapist in college, after months and months of knowing exactly what I wanted to say but not having the ability to say it in session. What I finally did was write it down and read it out loud word for word to my therapist. I was always in tears after every session I left, to the point were the receptionists no longer pitied me and offered me tissues, but just gave me a sincere smile and nod when I left the office which made me feel allot better and stronger. I became proud of my tear and proud that I was facing something that was had been so scary and felt so embarrassing and had given me so much guilt. I was standing up against all these terrible thing and fighting back. Those tears were battle wounds that made me feel tough. After years of mourning and beginning the process of acceptance I am finally able to talk about what happened openly and with confidence. I have gained power over the situation and have accepted it as it is. I have since talked to my sister about it, forgave her and begged her to forgive herself.

I guess my point is you have to get stuff like this out. No matter how long it's been or how embarrassing or terrible the situation is. The only way to get power over things like this is to face it directly.