Hello,
I have always been fascinated with things that don't matter. I am a philosopher of different sorts and love to think about everything and nothing at all. My story is the average dysfunctional mom and dad. Mom and dad split up and I get to meet all of mom's boyfriends. Until I got a new step dad. Though that really doesn't matter in my life even though he can be a complete ass and makes me sad quite often.
My life started very late in life, well at lest I think it has started by now. I don't even know. When I was young my 14 year old sister [I was 8] was hit by a car well walking across the street. Of course yes I do not like cars, or crossing streets but I had also had to take care of my sister with a brain injury for about 7 years until she was back to [kinda] normal. Well she's still not the same but she can do her own thing. Well being bullyed by a brother 7 years older then me with autism. My life was stressed and I know its not as bad as most of everyone out there but
Me, I am a paranoid person and I question everything and everybody. I have friend, but I always questing if they really are because I'm paranoid that everyone hates me and that I'm so fake that I am as shiny as plastic. I hate my looks, I hate my gender, I hate my voice, I hate me and everything about me basically. I found that cutting was my only stress reliever. To see the blood on my arms to see if I could cut deeper the next time. I keep a small collecting of square papers in a book with blood on it and a date to remember every time I have cut. I started about a month ago. I have cut almost every other day.
I wish that my cutting could make me better and more lovable and maybe people will like me sooner or later because I feel so cold and lonely I cry to myself and I have never told anyone. I don't want to go see a shrink or anything I just kinda want to slowly fade away. I do this though I know I am pretty lucky I guess. I have a lot of material goods I guess but, not really much of anything else. I'm horrid in school and with people and everything.
Thanks for reading,
Love anonymous.
8 comments:
♥
Sometimes I feel like that too *hug*
you arent alone..
Please, please hang in there. I know you don't believe it, but you can (will) be OK. There is a lot of love in the world, but accepting yourself is a prerequisite to gaining acceptance from others. We are all human. We are all flawed. We all hurt sometimes. I am not trying to belittle your pain, believe me, I'm not. I have been in very bad places too. I can't say I've been in your place, because no one has, but the more you are able to confront your pain, and overcome it (even if only little by little and never fully), the stronger you become, and the more capable you become. Life is worth living because you can and will appreciate it again. See a psychiatrist, see a therapist--give yourself permission to love yourself and take care of yourself. Facing one's weaknesses and hurt is a sign of strength and maturity. You can and will be OK. Please, take care of yourself. Life can be a beautiful, beautiful thing, but it is nearly impossible to realize that all of the time.
-Sincerely, another anonymous who is having a hard time.
Jeeze, I just wrote a long, long heartfelt message that was lost into cyberspace. In nutshell, I just said that you can (will) be OK. Maybe you don't want to be OK, but please, accept your humanity. We all hate ourselves sometimes. It will get better. See a psychiatrist, see a therapist. Taking care of yourself is what you owe yourself, even if you don't feel that way, just do it. We all suffer. None of us know what it is like to be you, but we all know what it is like to be human. Let yourself be human. You are not alone. It is so easy to forget that everyone has their own hidden suffering, their own hidden pain. What matters is what you give back to yourself, what you allow yourself to be. I sincerely wish you all the best.
-Yours, another anonymous person who is suffering a great deal right now.
Having (almost) conquered my own feelings if inadequacy and self-loathing, I can now see that what I was putting myself through was terrible, and most importantly, unnecessary. We all need someone to look after us, care for us and love us. This person must firstly be you. If things that you do are making you unhappy, re-evaluate what would make you happy and proud, then do it! It's always so much easier to give than to receive advice, and I appreciate this. Remember: you are you, an individual capable of unimaginable feats of kindness, with tremendous abilities that are just waiting for you to let them out. Make your own reality. Never forget: life is not a game that you're not allowed to play - it is as much yours as it is anyone else's. Negativity must be extinguished by positive actions and thoughts. Smile, try, on the occasions that you fail, then you smile harder, focus, and try again until you succeed. You can do this.
- A fellow traveller.
i try hard not to cry.. *hug hug**
A person can have material but ia nothing without friends.
I have material but I'd change it all for just one friend, I got nobody.
Dear Anonymous, you aren't the only one suffering.
Best of luck,
Anonymous
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