Inaccurate, As Always

Dear You,

My mind has been constantly wandering back as to why I deleted you from my Facebook. A relationship, whether platonic or romantic, is weak if an action like that significantly breaks communication and instantly breaks that relationship. For the time being, let's pretend that this little action of mine is bigger than it really is.

Over and over one part of my mind wants to punish me for making a decision that felt insane and uncalled for. But this morning I realized that it was a perfectly sane way of protecting myself, because I was tired of the pain I inflicted on myself for liking you, for being led on, for pursuing the wrong things, for trying to do things that I thought I wouldn't regret. Now I don't trust myself because of you. I don't trust that I'll ever know even a smidgen of a correct way to find someone who will love me, and who will let me know that my feelings are valid, and that my worth will not change.

So I consider it a good old summer purging. I let go to avoid seeing you move on without me, even if I was eventually moving on without you, too. I wasn't falling for you, but I was always hoping I could pursue something with you. But you told me you weren't looking. I'm calling bullshit on that, because I don't think you really liked me, but you were fine with me as long as I gave it up to you.

On my part, I should have let you know that I'm not like that. I don't date or get intimate in that fashion. But I learned that only after you, and it pisses me off that I feel alone now, but at least I know what I want.

And it sucks that I deleted you when it seemed like it was just fine. You were always nice to me, but I needed a bit more than just nice. I don't think you could have given me more because you wouldn't care, and that's fine. It's just a matter that we mutually spoiled our budding friendship, and now I know that it'll never be repaired.

And so you're gone. I don't care. I don't want to see your face. I don't care to check up on you, I don't want to relive a false nostalgia. We may not have dated but it feels like you're my ex, so I'm right in getting rid of you.