I'm engaged to marry a man I don't love. There's no one to tell so I'm writing about it here.
It's all my fault that I agreed. I spent years dating him even though it never felt right. I broke up with him but didn't find anyone else and this guy and I remained friends and I started to miss all the intimacy. I asked if he wanted to get back together with me, he said no. He said he loved me but worried we'd fall back into our old patterns. A few months later, he asked if I still wanted to be with him and the FOOL I was thought, "You had made the decision to choose him so that means something. Go ahead, you'll make it work."
Bullshit. Everything that bothered me about his before bothers me still. We don't agree on anything. We don't have anything in common. I tell myself that I just need to change my perspective that he's a good man who says he loves me, is loyal, and makes plenty of money. People in other countries get married for lesser reasons.
But I bury my real self when I'm with him. He doesn't make me feel happy or secure or confident. I resent him and I don't know how I'll stay sane. I have thought of suicide in the past and think being with him might make me do it. I can't believe I chose this for myself. Everything I say to him is wrong. Either he can't hear me in the first place and asks me to repeat it or he doesn't "get it." He doesn't get me.
"I'm a man," he'll say as if that's an excuse for being rigid or obtuse or not fun, imaginative, loving.
Every aspect of this wedding planning has been miserable and I think I'm at the point where I don't think I could possibly have fun. If he wasn't there I could have fun. I'd ignore my family and hang out with my friends but ugh - I'm supposed to stand with him and talk with him and dance with him.
I could write so much more but I'll end with this sad question: How does he not know? How can he not see the sadness in my heart and how little time I want to spend with him?? There is no joy in this relationship.
May 17, 2011
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7 comments:
don't get married. call it off.
Easy Answer : JUST SAY NO !
It's so much better to handle a few months of uncertainty than a lifetime of sadness. Call it off. It'll be difficult but it's the best and nicest decision you can make, for both of you.
Like everyone else said, end the engagement. Are years of suffering and potential suicide worth it just to avoid hurting his feelings? He's obviously not very perceptive to your wants and needs if he hasn't the slightest clue how you feel.
Repeating what the others have said, you have to end this relationship and end the engaging marriage. You have given all of the reasons to not be with him and the only reason you have given to stay with him is the "intimacy".
Loneliness should not be a substitute of love. If you want a lasting relationship, then have some pride, take yourself out of this situation and start all over again. It is difficult but this is the only way that you and your partner will ever gain real happiness.
Wow I feel like I've just read my future. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years. He makes me so unhappy but every time we split I guess I get insecure and miss the intimacy and we just get back together again.
You've made me realise what's the right thing to do. Go with your heart and leave him. You'll regret it forever otherwise.
Just walk away from it all...end it...
You don't need him in your life to find your way or to make a better life for yourself.
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