June 26, 2012

Sorrow

I don't know what to do anymore. My life feels empty, and all my feelings are numb. The numbness normally lasts for a while, then occasionally it catches up to me and a wave of depression overcomes me. These depressing periods last for about a week, where for about five or six days straight I will cry myself to sleep. And then it just goes away again, and the cycle repeats itself relentlessly. I really wish I was better at controlling myself and my own emotions, but in all honesty, not even I  know the reason behind them.
I have been told that I am an 'old soul.' They mean it as a compliment, but from my point of view there are more complications. I feel like I am missing my soulmate, but because I am so young it's not like there is anybody who will take me seriously anyway. Well, that's not exeactly true. There is ONE person who listens to me and I feel like he understands me, but it just doesn't work between us. For the time being I will just have to survive as unattachedly as humanly possible and wait for the day I find my reason for living.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

If you can't explain it and you can't control it, maybe you need to see a doctor. Many people suffer from clinical depression and it's nothing to be ashamed of. Often times medication will help even out the mood swings. You don't need to suffer through it.

OP said...

I've talked to my parents about seeing a doctor and they say, "Wait a little while and see if it gets better." Well, I've waited and it's not better, but I still get the same answer.

Anonymous said...

If you feel as though your parents are understanding (for the most part) but just aren't "getting" this, then perhaps write them a letter, bare your soul so they will understand how long you have been suffering this way. Push them a little harder. As an 'old soul' sometimes I think we see the world for what it is. Try and change that view, volunteer, find ways to put yourself in hopeful situations. Do something you feel strongly about.