November 16, 2012

im bulemic

it started freshman yr of high school. when i joined the wrestling team. after 1 month of training i dropped a crazy 25 pounds and for once felt amazing. i have always struggled with my weight and body image. Growing up i was more developed than the other girls. i had boobs, hips, thunder thighs, and a bubble butt... this was considered fat to others... So after loosing all this weight i became obsessed. after my father forced me off the team because he didn't approve. I got scared of putting my weight back on. so i started to vomit. It started off small. I continued to work out and eat healthy. BUT if i indulged in any sweets or fried foods id make it come out immediately after id eat it. Then it got worse. i started to binge on food. feel guilt then vomit. it became a vicious cycle. I now have this problem of keeping my food down. so when i got out to restaurants i don't drink, for fear of my food exiting my mouth unexpectedly. Freshman yr is now 8 yrs behind me... Still i struggle to stop my bad habit. Its become so bad that it mentally messes with my head everyday. Even after joining the military, maintaining a size 6 up until 8 months ago... i look back at pictures and cant believe i thought i was fat. Only 1 person in my life knows i have this problem. My spouse. I wish i could tell my family i need help... i want help. I want to stop...but my father is the type of person who thinks a person has enough power to stop any bad habit on their own...if he only knew how wrong he is...

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Oh, sweetheart, I'm so sorry. That's hard, I know. But I believe in you, and I know you can pull through. Maybe see if your insurance covers that kind of help?
I hope things get easier for you <3 Good luck