February 23, 2013

Sometimes I wish I could just leave

Do you ever get the feeling that you're worthless?
That no matter how much someone might tell you that they care, you know deep inside that no one does.
Do you ever want to just rip out of your skin?
And become someone.. anyone else. 
I've been chewed up and spit out like I was something that belonged in the trash. People don't understand just how much their words and actions actually hurt someone. I cut myself for 2 years, feeling completely in control for once in my life. Before I cut myself I didn't eat. I thought that maybe people only hate me because of how  I looked, but that didn't work either. Last year I tried making myself throw up, but you know what? Nothing makes you feel any better. If anything, you feel worse. It's as if life is laughing at how much you messed up. I don't want to be laughed at anymore. I don't want to feel like this and I hope no one else ever does either. The worst feeling in the world is to accept that you'll never be worth anything to anyone, not even yourself.
The thought of completely disappearing is actually exhilarating to me. And the thing is.. I actually don't think that anyone would notice. No one's life would stop if mine did. Eventually everyone would be fine. Everyone but me. But I want to know that just one person would care more than everyone else, that I will truly be missed. But if I'm not going to be missed then what's the point of really existing when I could just end it all so easily?


Anonymous said...

I feel the same. Just saying, a lot of people do.

Anonymous said...

When I was younger, I've been in the situation like this. The very first thing you have to realize is, how you see yourself, because this will affect how other people will see you. Do you know how many beautiful and very stunning in appearance girls are actually poor in the inside? Trust me, they are building a fake and superficial relationship. But if you can win yourself, love yourself and work the beauty in the inside, people will see it, and they will stay! Becoz you have character! C'mon.. realize that YOU deserve a better life! We can't change people, but we can always change ourselves :D

Useless said...

You really put my feelings into writing!
However, I believe that there is life after death so I don't think this will help me either. Actually based on my experience - life there (/then) would be as unjust and as pointless as here.
If only.......