May 4, 2014

rejections

I got another job rejection.this time from *blank blank*, of which i was sort of hopeful...now i am really scared... I have applied for other jobs but *blank blank* and *blank blank* were the serious ones or the ones who took in international  students and i have been rejected by both of them. Now i am so disheartened and sad...seems like i won't be getting any job offers...and so much of my life plans hang on it..oh god...i never thought i would feel this hopeless...everything seems bleak..shit,my thesis is also going nowhere...i am trapped.fuck..all i can do is cry..and that is what i am doing even as i type out my feelings...i feel so lost and so alone..i keep on thinking...if only...if only....i am losing it...my dreams,my plans, and other important stuffs in my life...i am the most unluckiest person:'( what makes it even worse is that i do get to taste a bit of happiness but that is just momentary...nothing good lasts with or for me... The stars on me don't shine brightly or luckily....it seems like i have people around me but still i feel alone...this process feels like a way whose end is so sad and dark...all that i have or people assume that i have is going to be gone just like that...i am shitscared,though i don't show it i cry deep within all alone...why do i have to be this unlucky,this pathetic....it's like i am waiting for everything i have to leave me...everything will leave me,i am sure, but like a hopeless fool i hang on..i don't have the strength to let go on my own...i am just waiting for the other person to make his move away from me, till then i just hang onto something unreal...and this makes me seem so pitiful in my own eyes while others keep on thinking i am so lucky. No one knows the truth. That i am this unlucky...life seems so harsh right now. The thing i want,i desire,i need the most, why can't i have it...why does it elude me when others around me are getting them easily. it's no hassle for them.but for me everything is a struggle,a matter of luck and it seems that i have run out of luck on all that is important. Shit. Shit.shit. I feel so helpless, so i cry behind my locked door, and hope against hope, knowing that it is hopeless, but still like a fool hoping from the inner most core of my heart, my body cells that i get lucky...but then i again feel hopeless...:'( I wish i had someone who would say, it's all right... I will wait for you, you getting a job is important but not more important than us being together...i will always be with you, this doesn't make a difference. This is something we can both struggle against.together. Don't lose hope. Trust me. You have me.you can count on me.this doesn't decide our relationship.this is something else,equally important,yes, but this doesn't overshadow us being together. Lean on me. I will wipe away your tears. You are doing great.don't give up. You have me. You will always have me.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

don't lose hope. every bad things that are happening to you right now is only temporary. it will get better soon.. just dont give up.